We Will Schlock You is a series at The Nerds Templar where we take a look at bad B-Movies, So-Bad-They’re-Good, Over-the-Top Ridiculous, most likely to involve sharks schlock. Movies that are so bad you can’t help but enjoy them.

Most actors/actresses have at least one film on their resume they wish didn’t exist. It’s usually a low-budget horror or indie film they did when they were young trying to build a reel or get their SAG card. For Sex and the City’s Kristin Davis, that movie is Doom Asylum from 1987.

Not only had I not seen the film, I had never even heard of it. I asked a friend if he had seen it and he had not as well. The flick is classic 1980’s horror storytelling with typical characters you expect. Teens go to an abandoned asylum that has an urban legend that says there’s a killer there murdering people. But the teens don’t care, they want to party and have fun! The twist is though, one of the female characters is the daughter of a woman who had died in an accident there ten years earlier of course! The killer survived the accident, but is horrid to look at.

When you watch the film, keep in mind it is from the 1980’s. The blonde is bimbo-ish. The brunette (Davis) wears glasses so she isn’t as bimbo-ish. The lead white guy is preppy, but can’t make a decision. The black guy wears a necklace with his name on it. The nerdy guy collects baseball cards. You can literally checkmark most stereotypes in the movie. Plus there’s the girl punk band playing at the asylum to no one and they are punk to the core with crazy hair, flashing their boobs and being all tough. I’m not really sure what their point was considering the movie is about a killer at an asylum, but hey, it was the 80’s, you needed boobs and tough chicks or no one would watch.

As for the movie itself, well it’s pretty horrific. The acting is bad and the dialogue is painful. The blonde and preppy boyfriend are walking clichés and use the word mommy because hers died. His dialogue is terrible because he’ll say something then change his mind which is another part of the movie I didn’t understand. The nerd could be an extra in Revenge of the Nerds with wacky clothes and is only concerned with his baseball cards. Why he would be part of this group is beyond me. The punk girls are typical black leather with wild hair characters that again serve no real purpose. Watching the movie you can understand why Davis might be the only name you recognize today.

But the kills and practical effects are fantastic. If you can ignore the dialogue and story, the gore is great. The killer’s face effects are cool as is the ways he kills people. Every dime of the budget must have gone to make-up and effects and it shows. Even though the movie is terrible, the kills might be worth checking out. I was truly impressed by them in a movie that has no right having such great gore.

Now you may be wondering why I’m bringing up a film that’s over 30 years old, it’s coming out in a restored Blu-ray presentation with all types of bonus materials that you can see below. It has tons of commentaries, interviews and much more. For fans of Doom Asylum (and I’m guessing there are some), this is THE version to own. I’m sure Davis wishes they lost the original negative and that this movie would be gone forever, but for schlock fans, this is up there with some of the best of the worst.

Bonus Materials

  • Brand new 2K restoration from the original camera negative
  • High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) presentation
  • 1.85:1 and 1.33:1 versions of the feature
  • Original uncompressed PCM mono audio
  • Optional English subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing
  • Brand new audio commentary with screenwriter Rick Marx
  • Brand new audio commentary with The Hysteria Continues
  • Tina’s Terror – a brand new interview with actress Ruth Collins
  • Movie Madhouse – a brand new interview with director of photography Larry Revene
  • Morgues & Mayhem – a brand new interview with special make-up effects creator Vincent J. Guastini
  • Archival Interviews with producer Alexander W. Kogan, Jr., director Richard Friedman and production manager Bill Tasgal
  • Still Gallery
  • Reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Justin Osbourne
  • FIRST PRESSING ONLY: Fully-illustrated collector’s booklet featuring new writing by Amanda Reyes

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