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Synopsis:

Gloria (Anne Hathaway) is an out-of-work party girl who, after getting kicked out of her apartment by her boyfriend, is forced to leave her life in New York and move back to her hometown. When news reports surface that a giant creature is destroying Seoul, South Korea, Gloria gradually comes to the realization that she is somehow connected to this far-off phenomenon. As events begin to spin out of control, Gloria must determine why her seemingly insignificant existence has such a colossal effect on the fate of the world.
What We Thought:

Colossal is a colossal waste of time. Don’t let the positive reviews fool you, this movie is dumb and the reviews are contradictory to the actual story. Most people who told me they liked it said it’s because it’s “different”. Well “different” doesn’t make something good or bad. They couldn’t tell me why they liked it. I firmly think they say they do because everyone else is saying it.

I usually don’t like to spoil movies in reviews, but I sort of have to in this because most of my issues with the film won’t make sense without talking about some parts of the movie. If you don’t want to know more, just stop here.

Anne Hathaway plays a drunk whose boyfriend kicks her out. She leaves New York and goes back to a small town. I don’t think they ever say what state she’s in, but I’m going with New Hampshire because a cab she took has the 603 area code on it. She runs into an old friend (Jason Sudeikis) who owns a bar. They get drunk together and she meets some regulars and eventually works there.

Then it gets “different”. She learns she can control a giant monster in Seoul, South Korea when she’s standing in a sandbox at a playground. But only at one time of day. She realizes this after she’s destroyed parts of the town (and spoiler) murders hundreds of Koreans. I’ll get into that more in a bit. Another spoiler, Sudeikis learns he too controls a monster in South Korea, a giant robot and he blackmails Hathaway into fighting him.

This is where the social justice warriors of the world love the movie and forget about everything else. One early positive review liked the movie because it tackled abusive masculinity or some crap like that. Really? Hathaway is a feminist hero because she beats the bad man at the end? She’s a drunk who, like previously mentioned, MURDERS HUNDREDS OF KOREANS WHILE DRUNK. So because she beats the bad man at the end, the fact that she’s a knock down drunk who killed people across the world in a drunken stupor is ok? We just forget about her being a murderer because she stood up to the mean, bad guy. Not happening. I guess the lives of Asians we don’t know aren’t as important as her beating the mean guy who hurts her.

The film also doesn’t help itself with its ridiculous explanation of how they can control the giant monsters. Spoiler, as kids they were hit by lightning while carrying projects for class. Sure, ok, that’s how it happened. Hathaway scratches her head a lot because she was hit by lightning, but Sudeikis has no tick. I guess they forgot to write that part in.

As you can tell, I didn’t like Colossal one bit. I actually considered walking out of the screening, but I stayed hoping it would eventually pan out. It doesn’t. It’s stupid and doesn’t even attempt to make a lick of sense. As someone who grew up enjoying Kaiju films I was completely annoyed with this movie. The tagline for it is “All She Could Do Was Save The World”. That’s false advertising. Only one spot on Earth is in danger and she caused most of it. I won’t be watching this ever again.

Cast & Crew:

  • Anne Hathaway
  • Jason Sudeikis
  • Dan Stevens
  • Tim Blake Nelson
  • Austin Stowell

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