SYNOPSIS:
In this adrenaline-fueled reimagining of the 80s cult classic, ex-UFC fighter Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal) takes a job as a bouncer at a Florida Keys roadhouse, only to discover that this paradise is not all it seems.
What We Thought:
1989’s Road House starring Patrick Swayze is a beloved cult classic. 2024’s Road House starring Jake Gyllenhaal is a soulless, unnecessary remake that I can’t even call a cash grab because it’s not playing in theaters. I had super low expectations for the film and it’s somehow even worse than expected.
For 35 years now Swayze’s Road House has held up well remaining very rewatchable, been quoted countless times and has been referenced by Peter Griffin in Family Guy. It has memorable one liners, action, nudity, a monster truck, great music and is everything you want in a 1980s tough guy flick. Trying to remake that by today’s standards was going to be tough hence why I didn’t expect much in the first place. But the remake was being made by Doug Liman who has directed great “guy” flicks like Swingers, The Bourne Identity, Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Edge of Tomorrow. Plus overall I don’t mind Jake Gyllenhaal. He has leading man qualities, but tough guy leading man was going to be an issue.
After seeing the new version, I can’t get over how disappointing it is. All the heart of the original with Swayze’s Dalton being the stoic type restoring the reputation of The Double Deuce while helping those around him is gone here. Gyllenhaal’s Dalton does his best to build the team around him and is “nice” to the guys he beats up, but he lacks Swayze’s charm and demeaner. He has a UFC background which really doesn’t add much to the film. He’s tough because he’s a fighter, but ultimately he could have been a veteran or even just a traveling bouncer and it would give the same result. The UFC scenes that had made the rounds on social media don’t live up to the hype or even serve a purpose other than giving Dalton a new backstory.
The biggest issue is there was too much going on with too many characters. There’s the motorcycle gang that’s the first issue. Then more of the bad guy’s henchman. The bad guy is the son of the real bad guy in prison, plus the dirty sheriff and then Conor McGregor. The bad guy is on a boat with people on there and most of that could have been cut. Either get rid of the dirty sheriff or Conor. Other than the final fight between McGregor and Gyllenhaal, you really don’t need him. And I would not say it to his face because he could kill me, but this film won’t be his launching off point into film superstardom. Mix in the doctor love interest which by film’s end has no real purpose, and so much feels hollow and unnecessary. Yes in the original there were henchman for the bad guy who wants to run the town and a love interest, but it was more focused and felt important to moving the story along.
If you are a fan of the original Road House then the remake will get under your skin. If you’ve never seen it and only know films of today, maybe the new Road House might entertain you. It gets some laughs (with some being the type you’re laughing at it) and it does increase the violence. The previously mentioned fight between McGregor and Jake G is solid, but by that time I pretty much had checked out of the film. I’ve seen Straight-to-Video/Streaming action movies with D-list stars that look better and are more entertaining and with a director like Liman and actor like Gyllenhaal that should never be the case. I saw it on the big screen and can’t imagine how much worse it would have been if I was streaming it at home on my laptop. I probably wouldn’t have finished it or at least stopped it and continued it later on that’s how forgettable it is.
The Nerds Templar 